“At some point, being angry is just another bad habit, like smoking, and you keep poisoning yourself without thinking about it.”
— Jonathan Tropper, This is Where I Leave You (via simply-quotes)

Truth

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“Problems always start long before you really, really see them.”
— Gillian Flynn, Sharp Objects (via simply-quotes)

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datecrew:

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to touch on the Ten Commandments of Tinder. Parsed as top 5 official and unofficial, these are the cardinal rules to which every great Tinderer must abide by:

1. Honor thyself, by putting your best pic up

Translation: Although we might not all be Jeremy Meeks or Idris Elba, you’ve got to put your best face or feature forward. Avoid the failing group pictures, which automatically earn you a left swipe into oblivion. An unobstructed view of your face will do, along with an intriguing and funny bio. In this social media age, women’s attention spans have been drastically reduced to about 3 seconds. If your pic doesn’t catch her eye within a 3 second window, you’re done for.

2.     Thou shalt initiate conversation after a match

Translation: Just like in real life, most women prefer being approached by interested men. If you matched with her, the onus is on you to initiate conversation.

tinder_match

3.     Thou shalt not fear rejection

For more, click on the post title to continue the read….

Rules to swipe by

shedatesboys:

empresspinto:

4ever-horngry:

I will never not reblog this.

I like the part where, in the third gif, the loop makes it look like the Prince turns into Cinderella

tagged/me

“Sometimes love isn’t enough and sometimes it isn’t the right kind of love. People like to think that just because they’re in love, they’ll get a happily ever after. But then real life intrudes.”
— S.H. Kolee, Love Left Behind (via simply-quotes)

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date 24: sweat test

As promised, my sweaty date #2 with Mr. Hollywood commenced, the week after our first.

He challenged me to try his favorite (trendy) hip hop yoga class… Hot Yoga. Intimidated me a little with stories about other girls not being able to handle a 90 minute class.

I can handle yoga, but put me and an 85 degree room and suddenly I don’t feel so hot. Really.

Still, I wasn’t about to back down. He picked me up in his almost new Mercedes (check), swatted my hand away from my gym bag and paid for my class (check check) and introduced me to every ridiculously hot actress/housewife/fake titty bimbo in the waiting area (gentlemanly check). He wasn’t kidding when he said this is his jam; he knows everyone.

Class starts. It’s packed and everyone’s mats are literally touching – the most intimate class I’ve ever been to. Some semi-famous intructor leads and doesn’t even teach, just shouts out the poses above the tempo of the music and walks around correcting form.

I’m ridiculously thankful I (sort of) know what I’m doing. This is NOT amateur hour.

Ten minutes in and Mr. Hollywood rips his shirt off to reveal an impressive six pack (check check check), and as I deliriously look around I see why half the class came wearing bathing suits. I am literally dripping sweat and those around me are soaked in it. At least two people gave up and walked out before the end.  

I survived without passing out, proving to myself (and this date of mine) that I can do anything I put my mind to. He even complimented me on my composure as we walk back to the car. It was very empowering. 

I had plans for the afternoon so I politely declined his lunch invite – but I definitely want to see him again. 

a little honesty

What is the statute of limitations on writing about real life?

When I first started, I tried to write cautiously to conceal identities. Share only the super funny/awkward/terrible moments.

Then I realized if you know me, and you stumble upon this blog, you can easily figure out who is who… and who else I was dating at the same time as you.

Apparently that’s even more likely to happen than I thought, because someone I’m dating pointed out to me that you can search tumblrs by email (I’m an idiot for leaving that box checked, but I haven’t written about him).

At this point I’m writing about events that occurred over a year ago, and it makes it much easier to remember only the highs, lows, and most laugh inducing moments and forget about the redeeming factors that made these dudes actually dateable.

So, if any of you are reading this, I’m sorry if any of what I remember hurts your feelings.

There are two sides to every story; mine is just the entertaining one. 

When I do a little research on a guy I met out

date 23: driving lessons

They say alcohol dampens your dating judgment. Duh. 

I drunkenly made out with this guy at a friend’s party, left without saying goodbye and sent him a wasted Facebook message while stumbling to get drunk munchies with my prowling companion (all great decisions, I know).

Shockingly, he asked me out to dinner the following week. And I let him pick me up from my apartment.

Besides general safety, this is the reason why I don’t let dates pick me up, at least not the first date: he was the WORST driver ever! Speeding, changing lanes without looking and blabbing about how much he loves his Prius. Yuck.  

Thankfully we arrived safely, but when we realized we had nothing in common I couldn’t make a graceful exit after dinner. And I had to sit and watch him drink two glasses of wine before we could get out of there. I was in the midst of my diet dating cleanse so I’m pretty sure I was actually glaring at him by the end. 

You always need an escape plan.

Lesson learned.  

“Some relationships just end. Like a star, they burn bright and brilliant, and then nothing in particular goes wrong, they just reach their end. They burn out.”
— Cora Carmack, Losing It (via simply-quotes)

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date 22: diet dating

One thing I’ve noticed almost across the board about other dating blogs: all the single ladies are pretty committed to getting in shape. Nothing like heartbreak to motivate you to go to the gym, right? 

After about three months of dipping my toe in the dating pool, I realized that if new dudes are going to see me naked, I better look damn good.

So when my friend challenged me to go carb-free on the 17 Day Diet, I was totally into it.

Until I realized not drinking for 17 days would seriously dampen my dating routine.

That said, Film Studies asked me out to a movie for our third date.

I was semi-surprised to hear from him because our second date ended so awkwardly.

Regardless, this seemed like a good midweek sober activity.

We met for a drink (mine non-caloric) at a new Hollywood bar and then went to a movie at a theater nearby. It was a good one, and I got an even better good night kiss after he walked me back to my car. Swoon!

As for 17 days, I made it 14 without drinking. Close enough, right? Oh, and I lost 6 lbs. If you haven’t heard of it, google it now – it’s legit. 

date 21: the party crasher

In the future, if I ever have plans with my friends and some dude wants to tag along, I will NEVER say “okay” again based on what happened on this date.

Because that is my time, and you have your time, and you cannot crash my time with your lameness.

I was feeling iffy about The Brit after our first date, but he kept sending me witty texts and I thought he was interesting enough to respond to.

Friday night approaches and he asked me what I’m up to. I told him I have plans to go out with my girlfriends in Venice.

He starts gushing about how much he loves Venice – and goes so far as to ask if he can come with.

Um, sure, okay. No point in being rude, right? Wrong.

Besides having doubts due to his transportation situation (or lack thereof), I ventured out with my girlfriends and he eventually met us after an hour trip on the metro/bus/whatever.

It was a really fun night, my friends loved him and he kept the drinks coming – until it was almost closing time and he whispers, “Um, the last bus is in 10 minutes and I can’t get back to the station that fast. Do you mind if I crash at your place?”

Yes, I did mind. As I’d gently told him earlier, I had a funeral to attend in the morning. Not the best position to put someone in. But even with that, I’m not evil and I didn’t want him to get stuck with a ridiculous cab ride home.

So we went back to my place and I made pizza… that he couldn’t eat because apparently he’s vegan.

He tried to snuggle up with me but by that point the reality was setting in and I wasn’t having it.

I left him on my couch and put myself to bed. I woke up at 8am to hear him pitter-pattering around my living room. Snooping around my photos and knickknacks and such. Ugh.

I started getting ready and realized how drunk I still was.

Try to make conversation with this dude while trying not to throw up and get out the door on time for the ceremony was the worst thing ever. EVER.

I may or may not have vomited in the church. If I wasn’t already, I’m definitely going to hell now.

Epic fail. 

so forward! gross.